149. The Accountability Tightrope: Accountability in Leadership Starts With One Question

Transcript – Episode 149: The Accountability Tightrope: Accountability in Leadership Starts With One Question

Joe: When we constantly give the answer and answer the question, we create a dependency. People don’t have to think. They can just show up as receivers of information. And in that moment when that person stands in your doorway and says, “What do you want me to do with that thing?” — what that moment really calls for is coaching.

Joe: Hello again, boss heroes, and welcome back to Boss Better Now. As this summer has unfolded, we have been sharing with you, in parts, the content of a webinar I did a few weeks back called the Accountability Tightrope. It dove deeply into the habits, mindset, and best practices for leaders to navigate this balancing act that we sometimes struggle with: how do I show up as the kind of leader that holds people to high standards, while also being the kind of compassionate, supportive leader that people love working for? You have now arrived at the final episode in this series — part four of the Accountability Tightrope. I hope you’ve enjoyed learning about this, and I hope you’ve been able to get some takeaways that you can put into practice right away. And if you want to make sure that you don’t miss future special events and webinars like this one, make sure you subscribe to my Boss Better email newsletter. That’s where I keep in touch most frequently with people, and it’s a way that I write to subscribers and talk about the ways that you can keep your finger on the pulse of activating employee commitment in today’s ever-changing workplace. To get on that list — and it’s free — just go to bossbetternow.com. And now, here’s part four of the Accountability Tightrope.

Joe: Now that we’ve identified some specific ways to move toward mentor mindset based on where you are currently, I want to give you two specific techniques that are essential to mentor mindset leadership — regardless of where you fall on the protector versus enforcer continuum. You can start using both of these today, and I want to encourage you to keep developing yourself around them.

Joe: The first one is one you’ve heard me mention a few times already: coaching. Ask a lot of leaders what coaching is, and what you’ll often hear is that coaching is describing the right way of doing something. But that is not the kind of coaching that happens when you’re truly leading with a mentor mindset. In fact, if someone comes to you when they’re stuck — they have a question or a struggle — and you regularly tell them the right way of doing something, give them the answer, and explain the steps, you might actually be leading in a way that is working against your and their best interests.

Joe: Here’s what I mean. I’m going to share a short clip from our Boss Hero School master class on what coaching actually is and why it matters. We’re picking up this clip right after I asked the cohort in the room if they have ever had someone come to them and ask a question where they thought, “Really? Are you really asking me this? You should absolutely know the answer to this.”

Joe: [Clip from Boss Hero School master class] Has anybody ever had that experience? So I’m not making it up, right? And in that moment, when that happens — because you’re busy, you have a hundred things vying for your time and attention, and because you know the answer — what do we usually do in that moment? Someone asks, “What do you want me to do with this thing?” and you tell them the answer. And in that moment, when you do that, you rob yourself and them of a critical experience in the workplace. You rob them of the opportunity to feel capable. And you rob yourself of the opportunity to nurture the critical thinking skills that, when nurtured again and again and again, ultimately free your time up so that you can do the things that only you can do.

Joe: When we constantly give the answer and answer the question, we create a dependency. People don’t have to think. They can just show up as receivers of information. And in that moment when that person stands in your doorway and says, “What do you want me to do with that thing?” — what that moment really calls for is coaching. What I want you to do in that moment is not give them the answer. What I want you to do is say, “Thanks for asking. What options do you see?” What do you remember about the training we had three weeks ago? What do you think the first step might be? If I wasn’t here and you had to guess on the next best way to handle this, what might you try? Where could you go to find this information? I’ve just asked six different questions and they’re all designed to do one thing: switch what’s happening in this person’s brain. They showed up as a receiver of information. And when I started asking them those questions, I moved what was happening in their brain. I am forcing them to access memory, knowledge, instinct, intellect — all of it. That is how you start to activate commitment and get more ownership. And I hope you noticed my tone of voice. I wasn’t snarky. I wasn’t playing gotcha. It was very steady. It was a developmental moment.

Joe: “Thanks for asking. What options do you see?” Put that question in your metaphorical pocket and I guarantee you will find an opportunity to use it every day for the rest of your life. Can you just give them the answer and move on more quickly to your next thing? Yes, you could. But we have to remind ourselves in the moment that this is an opportunity for me to do some developmental work with them, and that’s my job as a leader. If I do that again and again and again over time, they’re going to show up with more critical thinking skills, and I’m going to be asked to support them and answer questions less and less — and that’s where you start getting time back.

Joe: If every time somebody comes to you with a question and you believe they know the answer if they just take a minute to stop and think about it — if every time they come to you with a question you say, “Thanks for asking. What options do you see?” — and then you do it again, and again, and again, they’re going to think: okay, if I go to Catherine’s office and ask her a question, she’s going to say, “What options do you see?” So I might as well just ask myself that question. And now all of a sudden, that’s one less time they came to you. [End clip]

Joe: We often think about coaching as telling people the right way to do something, giving them encouragement, or giving advice. Sometimes when you think about a coach, you imagine somebody standing on the sideline at a sporting event wearing a whistle, barking out corrections or shouting encouragement. That’s not the kind of coaching we’re talking about. The coaching that activates commitment in the workplace — the coaching that Gallup identified in a white paper a couple of years ago as a kind of silver bullet for employee engagement — consists of coaching conversations that help people sort through what they know, think, and feel to determine their next step. I would argue that this skill is how you truly ascend from a manager of tasks and processes to a leader and developer of people.

Joe: Helping people sort through what they know, think, and feel to determine their next step — that is a mentor mindset approach. It’s not telling them how to do it. It’s treating them as an expert, as someone who is capable and has creativity and knowledge, by asking questions like, “What options do you see?” There’s a boatload of social science data suggesting this is perhaps the essential leadership skill. So what I’ll encourage you to try from this webinar is simply to start doing what I suggested in that clip. When possible, resist the urge to give answers or tell people what to do. Instead, try asking, “What options do you see?” And then continue asking questions to help them sort through what they know, what they think, what they feel.

Joe: I actually had a conversation last week with one of our Boss Hero School alumni who told me the story of having gone back to work after their master class and, just a couple of days later, an employee walked into her office with a question. She thought, “This is when Joe says we should be doing coaching. So I’m going to try this.” The woman asked her the question and she said, “Thanks for asking. What options do you see?” She said the woman’s face was confused for a minute, so she added, “I’m not playing gotcha. I’m not testing you. I really want to know what you think we should do.” And the woman thought for a moment and then gave a perfect answer. This alumni told me she couldn’t have come up with a better answer herself. She described all the steps in the right order, and when she was finished, her boss said, “That’s a perfect answer. That’s exactly what I would do. So you’ve got it.” And she said, “Joe, you should have seen her face.” It really does make people feel capable.

Joe: The second technique I want to share with you today is one of my favorite tactics to teach leaders because it is magic. No kidding — it is like having a magic wand for supercharging feedback. In 2014, there was an experiment done with middle school students writing social studies essays that significantly changed our understanding of how to give feedback that results in change. Researchers had started to hypothesize that as human beings, we are far more likely to hear and respond to feedback when it comes from someone we know believes in us and our potential. So in an experiment that has been duplicated many times over, the researchers split these middle school students into two groups — a control group and an experiment group. When the students turned in their social studies papers, they all got corrections on their essays. Then the teachers added a reason for the feedback. For the control group, the teachers wrote, “I’m giving you these comments so you have feedback on your essay.” For the experiment group, the teachers wrote, “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high standards and I know that you can reach them.” Two different reasons. And all the students were given the option to make corrections and resubmit the work for a revised grade.

Joe: Even the researchers were surprised by what happened next. Students whose teachers explicitly stated that they believed in them were twice as likely to make corrections, improve their effort, and ask to resubmit the work. In fact, 80% of the experiment group took the feedback, made changes, and came back asking, “Is this better?” This group ran the experiment several more times, getting the same results. In versions where all students were required to resubmit papers with corrections, the kids who got the belief statement from their teacher made nearly three times as many of the suggested changes as those who did not. And in the decade since this study, this effect has been documented repeatedly. This statement came to be known in the literature as wise feedback — for the reason that the giver is wise to the need to affirm a belief in the person. “I’m giving you this feedback because I have high expectations and I know you can reach them.”

Joe: As this research emerged, it started to gain traction in schools, among teachers, counselors, and coaches. Then a few years ago, organizational psychologist and best-selling author Adam Grant described this experiment in a podcast interview he was doing with actress Jennifer Garner. It went viral, and suddenly everybody was talking about this magic combination of words that seems to supercharge feedback. Here’s a clip of that moment. [Clip] “Do you have wisdom for one who mentors younger members of a team?” “Giving constructive criticism aside, my favorite experiment shows that you can say 19 words and people become dramatically more receptive to what you’re about to deliver. The words are roughly: I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I’m confident you can reach them.” “Oh, that’s so good. It changes the equation. Now I’m not attacking you — I have high expectations and I’m confident you can reach them.” “I’m not attacking you. I’m not judging you. I’m here to coach you. I’m trying to help you. I taught this a few years ago to my undergrads at Wharton, and then about three weeks later I gave out midcourse feedback forms, and three different students wrote at the top, ‘I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations…’ No, you don’t have to say the words verbatim. The point is to communicate that I believe in your potential and I care about your success and well-being.” [End clip]

Joe: To be clear, this is not just for young people. This works for everyone. And what Adam Grant said is important: you don’t have to get the words exactly right. The message is that the feedback is important and I believe in you. When you look at this language, can you see and hear how this wise feedback statement is the living embodiment of a mentor mindset? How it pairs high standards — you’re literally saying, I have high standards — with high support.

Joe: We actually had a Boss Hero School alumna recently who tried this with a kitchen employee in a residency program. This employee consistently tried to multitask — he had come from an environment where he could operate multiple plates at once, but in this new environment the process required him to finish one, move it on, and then do the next. She had given him feedback a couple of times and he just wasn’t changing — he was hardwired for multitasking. So she went back after Boss Hero School and gave him the exact same feedback, but added, “We’ve talked about this a few times and we need to get it fixed. It’s really important that we get it fixed. But I also know you’re really capable and I know you can do it. I believe in you.” It never happened again. She told us two weeks later: it was like magic.

Joe: When you think about how to use this language, start by memorizing the statement: “I’m giving you this feedback because I have very high expectations and I know you can reach them.” But also look for alternate versions, especially because the more you use the exact same words, people are going to pick up on it and think, “You say that a lot.” Being able to say, “Hey, I’m telling you this because it really matters and I know you can do it” — that’s the same thing. We just have to play with the language a little. And yes, you can use this with everyone in your life. Try it with your kids. If you have volunteers on the PTO that you work with, try it with them. It works. The one caveat: do not use this with your spouse. If you do not like the way they loaded the dishwasher, do not call them over, point out their mistakes, and then say, “I’m giving you this feedback because I have very high expectations and I know you can reach them.” That is not a recipe for a healthy relationship.

Joe: So there you have it, friends. That is the entire Accountability Tightrope webinar that we delivered to subscribers of our Boss Better Now email newsletter just a few weeks ago. I hope you found value in diving into the habits, the mindset, and the best practices that leaders use to hold employees to high standards and provide the support they need to be at their best every day. If programming like this would be valuable to bring to the leaders in your organization, I can help. Just go to joemull.com, fill out the contact form, and let us know what you’re looking for. I’d love to talk with you about being the keynote speaker at an upcoming meeting or bringing a workshop to the leaders across your organization. Thanks for listening, and remember: commitment comes from better bosses. See you next time.

Joe: It’s rooms like this one — where we gather together for a couple of days at a time to really understand what it takes to activate employee commitment in the workplace — that leaders experience profound transformation. If you’ve been wondering how to take your leadership knowledge and skills to the next level, if you want to go deeper on what it takes to be successful at leading people in today’s ever-changing workplace, then you should check out Boss Hero School. Over three days, I’m going to teach you both the methods and the mindset for activating employee commitment in the workplace. This is not theory. We are getting into the weeds, upleveling your skills, giving you scripts, blueprints, and frameworks that you can take back to your workplaces to meet people where they are and propel them forward doing whatever it is you’re asking them to do on the job. For more information, visit bossheroschool.com.