93. Learning as a Perk + The Power of Thank You Notes

Transcript – Episode 93: Learning as a Perk + The Power of Thank You Notes

Joe:
At a time when so many are struggling with retention and turnover, we’ll tell you why professional development leads people to join and stay, and how to provide this perk to your people in a variety of ways. Plus, the power of thank you notes. Let’s dive in now on, Boss Better Now.

Suzanne:
You’re listening to Boss Better Now. The show is sponsored by Joe Mull and Associates. Now here’s your host, speaker, and author, Joe Mull.

Joe:
Hello again, BossHeroes and thank you for joining us this week. It is late January, which I gotta tell you, I don’t love. We’re back in the throes of work, a few weeks removed from the holiday season, but we’re in that place where there’s still quite a lot of winter ahead — and here in Western Pennsylvania, we still have another three months before we move out of these dreary gray skies and we start to see warmer temperatures and signs of spring. And you know, that means it’s a bit of a slog ahead of us. So, I know that in the weeks ahead, I have to schedule time and make space for all the things that rejuvenate me and support my mental health. And I will say this, doing this show each week for you all and with my smart and funny co-host definitely makes that list. I get so much joy out of this time. It always lifts me up. It’s always re-energizing. I hope you have that same experience. And speaking of, let’s bring in my co-host, executive coach, and HR advisor, Suzanne Malausky. Suzanne, how do you power through the dreary winter months?

Suzanne:
Well, hello Joe. And I think “power through” is the key word, <laugh>. So <laugh>, it takes energy, it takes strength. And I’m a planner. If you haven’t figured that out about me yet, I like to plan. So, for me to get through these months is about figuring out what I have to look forward to.  So sometimes it’s events like these. So that’s super awesome to think about what we’ll get to talk about next, what I get to learn, what I might get to share with listeners. But there’s other things that have to come along there. So maybe we happen to have a trip planned in February to go to Florida. So that’s my, “get me through the next few weeks” as I think about that. And then March, man, March is the big tease because… So, what if it’s the first day of spring and March? It’s not spring in Pennsylvania and it’s a long month. It’s 31 whole days. Yes. So, I always try to think of something that I can do to find joy, like you said. Yeah. Or to make it fun. So that could be game night with my kids. That could be time in a mall with my friends. Anything that I can plan and look forward to, and I know something’s coming on the calendar, then I can get through the dreary day.

Joe:
That’s so interesting because I feel like I’ve, I’ve been doing that this week, like being very thoughtful about that kind of planning and looking ahead, because the way you feel about March is the way I feel about April. Like April is a total tease. You get to April, and you think, all right, spring is here. We’re finally gonna, no — not in western Pennsylvania. April is still pretty gray and it’s wet and it’s gross. And maybe you get like one of those two or three teaser days early in the month, and then you are like, hey, all right, bring us here. But then, no. 

Suzanne:
Yeah. You still need a winter coat to match your Easter outfit

Joe:
<Laugh>. That’s right. Absolutely. So definitely doing some of that planning myself. I know one of the things that I try to do as well during the dark and weary and dreary months is focus on learning and my own professional development and some of the things that kind of get me jazzed about the work that I do. And so, it’s kind of a perfect segue — See what I did there — to talk about our first segment this week, which is to focus on learning as a perk. And we know that for leaders of all stripes and sizes in all industries, many folks are constantly looking for ways to better recruit people into their organization. It’s, it’s harder than ever before to find and keep devoted employees. We’ve been talking about that for many, many months here on the show. And so, any advantage that a leader can identify either to keep people or to attract people into an organization is something that we have to talk about.

Joe:
And it feels to me like professional development is one of those arrows that leaders have in their quiver that they forget is there. Right? We know that people who join an organization or choose to stay in an organization will cite opportunities to learn and grow as a key part of why they stay or, or why they don’t. And so, I was interested today, Suzanne, in talking about what is professional development, right? We, we can think about conferences and big expensive retreats or training, and certainly, that goes on the list, but it’s not just that, is it?

Suzanne:
No, it certainly isn’t. You know, I’ve helped people put together professional development plans, right? And I’ll start out the gate saying, taking a class doesn’t constitute a goal in your plan. It is a task. Because you take a class, you have to apply what you’ve learned. You have to find a way to make it relevant, to test it out, to try and fail with whatever the concept might be. So, when I think about professional development, it’s actually implementing growing as a person, being able to contribute more. Or whether that’s increasing the quality of your work or the quality of your conversations or the quality of your decision-making… That’s true development when you’re trying and doing something new that impacts the team.

Joe:
Absolutely.

Suzanne:
In a positive way, I do that.

Joe:
Yeah. Yeah. Of course. And you know, I think one of the things that we have to, to remember about professional development is if we’re approaching it the right way with our direct reports, it’s not just about asking them to get better at the job they’re in. It’s actually a way that we demonstrate our investment in their career –Whether that career continues with our company beyond the role that they’re currently in or someplace else. Right? We know that in organizations where direct supervisors demonstrate caring about the person over the job, where they advocate for what’s in the best interest of that person that that person experiences conditions that are more likely to lead them to stay and try and give it all they’ve got. So, if I’m a leader and I’m thinking about the professional development of my direct reports, I would, I need to think of that through the lens of their career and their interests and not just the job that they’re in. So how do we, how do we do that as leaders, Suzanne?

Suzanne:
Well, I think there’s a, a bunch of things that come to mind. I think it’s certainly knowing the people on your team. So be careful that you’re not assigning leadership development opportunities that would fall flat, might feel like too much of a stretch assignment, or something that’s in, you know, doesn’t align with someone’s strengths or with their desires. So, make sure you know those people on your team and what they’re looking for, and what excites them. It doesn’t mean we don’t make them maybe a little uncomfortable in some ways when we’re trying to stretch them or help them try out a new skill, but think about what they might need, not what you need. Cuz it’s not always the same thing. Yeah. I like that futuristic approach. How does whatever I help them develop set them up for success in the future, whether that’s with this company or a path that they take outside of this company? Of course, we want to keep them, but you know, I, I’ve told my teams before, no one can take away what you learn. Yeah. So, you know, go soak it up. Try something new. Dare to do something. And as a boss, we all know that if you’re willing to allow people a little bit of that wiggle room and some guidance and support, they can absolutely grow. So that comes to mind. Yep. Absolutely too.

Joe:
And your point about those recurring conversations is so well taken because we’ve talked a lot on this show about the need for recurring one-on-one time and to engage occasionally in what we call stay interviews, where we ask people, what, what energizes you about your work? What, what do you love doing? What don’t you love doing? If, if you were to leave, what would the reason be? What are the things that keep you here? Right? These are all questions that are a part of a stay interview, and we don’t think of those as a part of professional development, but they really are. Right? Those interactions that we have with the people that we are charged with leading, demonstrate that we genuinely care about their interests, and we care about their career beyond just the tasks and duties of their current job. I do think that opening up that dialogue about conferences that they might, might want to go to or about training that they may want to engage in is a key part of professional development. But we don’t always have funds for those kinds of things, do we? <Laugh>, so what do we do when we have a, an organization with limited resources for individual professional development? How do we still help people feel like we’re invested in their professional development and committed to giving them opportunities?

Suzanne:
Well, you know, you used the word investment and, and people are thinking, ah, that sounds like it costs money. But it doesn’t have to. Right? Yeah. You know, talk is cheap. Yeah. It doesn’t cost anything but time. But it can… but it’s actually very rich in experience, so…

Joe:
Oh, I see what you did there. That was good. (Suzanne: You like that?) Cheap? Flip that around. You’re a pro.

Suzanne:
Ah, you know, <laugh>. So, when you think about the one-on-ones, if you’re a boss and you’re working with your team and your one-on-ones, so much of it is about the job or the tasks. So, the challenge would be to have a different conversation. Intentional conversation. Yeah. Not about the job, but about you. The stay interview questions are great, you can always find those. But just giving people the opportunity to talk about what they’ve learned, what they’ve tried, a debrief after a project is a huge investment in someone’s career and growth. Inviting them to a meeting that they might not have access to doesn’t cost you anything, but gives you, gives them exposure and something else to talk about. Yeah. After the fact, even if you find access or your organization has resources that don’t cost anything out of your budget, you know, whether it’s an online class or a free something or other, that’s great.

Suzanne:
Encourage that and find that. But it requires conversation after the fact. Hey Joe, what did you learn? Yeah. Or let’s go take this to class together and discuss and really put a plan together on how we can, you know, adopt, or apply new concepts. A book club is another great thing. Yep. have everyone read the same book that might cost a little bit of money, but something people are probably willing to invest in for themselves if you’re willing to vest in the time and have a discussion or a debate or wrestle an idea to the ground and bring it to the team and get some commitment and connection around it. Those are…

Joe:
And I’m sure that we could come up with a list of books that would be helpful for leaders to consider using for a book club (Joe Whispered: Employalty), but we can do that on another day. Yes. But the, everything that you just said, especially the idea of inviting them to a meeting they may not other not otherwise have access to, or giving them opportunities to stretch themselves, they’re all rooted in that initial exploratory conversation about where do you want to go. What do you like doing? What do you wanna learn more about? Because then we can create some alignment and, and we can create some exposure for them in doing those kinds of things. That said, let’s remember what they say about exposure. It can kill you. Right? Exposure is literally a, a, an insurance billing code. Okay? <laugh>. And so, so too much of a good thing can become a bad thing.

Joe:
And, and I think when we, even with the best of intentions go down this path of saying, hey, do you want to try your hand at this new thing? Or do you wanna take on this other project? Or do you want to go with me to these other meetings? There’s a fine line between opportunity and more work with no additional compensation. And so that, that open line of communication is also really important, I think with this person to kind of say, you know, I want to do this in a way that benefits you and excites you, but if it, if, if it starts becoming too much if your capacity becomes overrun, then we need to talk about that as well.

Suzanne:
Absolutely. I think it needs to be done with purpose, with intention. That is discussed. And I, I think to young and career professionals, people who want that next job or the next rung on the ladder, sometimes they don’t know what they like, they don’t know what they want. They haven’t had the depth and breadth of experience to say, I only do this really well, or I only want that. So that exposure is also considered experimental. Yep. Let’s try this out. Maybe try putting a presentation together, doing some research, and coming back and presenting an idea. Yeah. Might be something you’ve never done before, but we will do it in a safe environment. So, you can see what’s like maybe it’s putting a little training together for a new piece of software that’s being implemented, helping with a change project, allowing people that experimental sandbox kind of culture. Yeah. That’s intentional and discussed. Like, you know maybe this doesn’t come, isn’t a guarantee of the next title that you might be seeking, but it’s, it’s put into your repertoire and gives you some muscle memory and some new skills that you can take with you.

Joe:
Yes, absolutely. And, and knowing that people don’t always see in themselves the potential and the gifts that they have until others point them out. I see so much alignment between many of the conversations we have on this show about strengths and talent, right? That when we create alignment between someone’s natural gifts and the job that they’re in, we actually increase engagement and loyalty. And so, there’s some overlap here with that too, isn’t there? About noticing what somebody is good at and giving voice to it and then inviting them, hey, you know, if you would, you consider talking to the team about how you deescalate these angry clients on the phone. Cuz you’re really good at it. You know, you’re, you’re doing professional development, but you’re also shining a light on gifts. And so, it’s like a two-for-one win.

Suzanne:
It sure is. I think it’s a three-for because you’re guaranteeing some engagement there.  That that’s, that’s a feel-good kind of situation. It pumps you up. Yeah. You know, I, I feel a little more confident if, if someone sees those strengths in me, if I didn’t see them. That reinforcement, that self-awareness, I think that’s a, it’s a win-win, win all the way around. I think another point to add to that, Joe, is you have your strengths as bosses. All of us do. And man, if you’re building a strong team, you’re likely to be bringing someone in whose strengths complement yours. So why not help someone, someone shine in a way that you might be a little dull. Right? Right. Yes. The thing, not the things you hate to do, be careful, but the things you might not have, you don’t wanna dump all the, you know, I don’t want to say…

Joe:
Yeah, no, you can say the crap word. 

Suzanne:
All the crap — the crap work onto your team. Sometimes you have to, but just be, again, that intentional thinking this through. Like, I hate doing this. I hate pivot tables. I don’t care how times I look ’em up. I’ll never remember. But someone out there lives for that stuff.

Joe:
Yes. The yin to your yang.

Suzanne:
Yeah, that’s right. So, look for that in your team and, and, and be able to set them up for development with something that helps you as well.

Joe:
And a final point here — I, early on in my career, I had an experience of working for an organization where there was almost no additional funding for anything, but our senior leader at the time had an absolute values-driven commitment to professional development. And so, what he did at the beginning of the year is he said, I’m gonna earmark $150 for each of you for professional development this year. And I know that that’s not gonna go very far. I know if there’s a trip you wanna take to go to a conference or some other additional kind of learning experience that you’re interested in, that’s not gonna cover all of it. But I am absolutely willing to invest in books. If there’s some books that you want to get and, and use them for your own professional development, you can use this money for that.

 Joe:
If there are online trainings or if there’s a subscription that you’d like to, to buy into because it’s a part of your professional development, then you can use this money for that. So, you know, even if you give your employees just a couple of dollars for things like books that can be helpful. And of course, don’t forget about sharing your favorite email newsletters or your favorite podcasts with people because all of those kinds of things are free. You can, you can bring episodes in, or you can share a book that you’ve already bought, or you can forward an email newsletter to spark conversation or to invite people to tap into it. Even when somebody sitting across from you hears you say, I think you have a real future as blank as a leader, as an administrator, as a coder — as a team lead. And if you’re interested in that long term, then let me just invite you to pay attention to some of these things. People are gonna feel valued even if there’s no additional funding behind the resources.

Suzanne:
Sure. Absolutely. I agree.

Joe:
Well, and that’s like a perfect little segue here to what I periodically try to remind people about here on the show, which is that we publish twice a month, our BossBetter Email Newsletter. It’s where we share articles and insights and videos from me plus some tips and encouragement along the way. If you wanna make sure you never miss a thing. This is the primary way that I communicate with all the boss heroes who follow and subscribe. So, all you have to do to get those BossBetter Emails twice a month is text the word BossHero to 66 8 66, all one word. It’s BossHero to 66 8 66. We’ll make sure you get those twice a month, BossBetter Email Newsletters. That’s where you’ll get the VIP discounts to our virtual summits. We never sell your list to anyone. We’re not sending you spam. This is just the primary way we fulfill our mission of trying to fill workplaces with better bosses.

Joe:
And now we come to the Camaraderie Question of the Week. We know that bosses build camaraderie on teams by making it easier for people to find things in common with each other. That’s why here on our show each week, we give you a question you can use at meetings or in huddles, or one-on-one to facilitate connection and build camaraderie. This week’s question comes to us from our talented and dedicated podcast producer, Jamie. She fired this one off. And I thought, Ooh, I really like that question. It’s a good one. Let’s do it this week. The question is this, Suzanne, if you had a catchphrase, what would it be?

Suzanne:
Well, Joe, I was so glad I had this in advance to prepare <laugh>. You realize in a team meeting, some people might not. So, I’m like, oh, I don’t know. Right. So, I phoned a friend — that would be my husband in the other room.

Joe:
Hmm.

Suzanne:
And so, we, we decided that this is something that I use with others, but also could be used to describe me. Okay. And that is “Always look on the bright side.”

Joe:
Ah.

Suzanne:
So, I do try to live my life with positivity. I mean, I can get as snarky and as, you know what do I say mean, like in a bad mood as anybody else, but in my core, it’s really about positivity and looking for what’s possible. What can we celebrate? So always for that bright side.

Joe:
That’s, so I’ve described myself as an idealistic optimist. I’m aware of that wiring for me. And I, but I know that in the, in the wrong circumstances or with the wrong people that can be experienced as obnoxious. Right. you know, when something bad happens, the person who always says, “well, it could be worse.” Like, that’s me. I’m very much so. Is that you, is that kind of what you’re talking to with this? You’re sort of wired and oriented to that perspective?

Suzanne:
I am, I’m wired to see what, what we can, you know, make good out of a bad situation. But I’m aware of that too. Sometimes. It’s like, you know, oh gosh. Yeah. It, so I do mind, you know, have to think. Okay, keep that. Wait, see the read the room a little bit. What, what is everybody else gonna say before I might pop in with my Suzie Sunshine, you know, obvious room mark or something that would fall flat. So, but I do, I mean, why not? We have a lot to be thankful for and should always.

Joe:
Oh, I feel like I have to have to introduce you on a future episode as Suzie Sunshine now, <laugh> that you put that out there in the world. <Laugh>.

Suzanne:
Oh boy. Yay.

Joe:
This, you’re not gonna see it coming. It’s gonna be totally random. And then I’ll just make you look all All right. It’ll be, be a callback here to episode 93. I love it.

Suzanne:
Awesome. Awesome.

Joe:
Well, I was trying to think of my answer to this question and I had one answer that popped right into my head right away. Because we had just had a team meeting, this was last week where we were doing some strategy work around all the different content that we publish. You know, I publish a lot in a, in the form of a weekly podcast in our BossBetter Email Newsletters and on LinkedIn and our Leadership Academy monthly programming. And there’s so much, I’m this sort of mini content factory and I put a lot of pressure on myself, but I also really enjoy it. And we were having a conversation about the different kinds of content that worked. And I went on this little rant about how I don’t do fluff and about how, like, those motivational quote posters or just, just kind of the, you know, somebody cares about you today stuff is I, I like to give a lot of very specific scripts and takeaways and very specific kinds of habits and routines. And at the end of this, at the meeting, I said, “I don’t do fluff” — if I have a mantra as a, as a trainer and as a subject matter expert, “I don’t do fluff”. And so, we <laugh> we wrote that on a whiteboard, and we kept kicking it around.

Suzanne:
I love it. I could see it on a t-shirt for sure.

Joe:
And I mean, I still like doing encouraging stuff, but it’s encouraging stuff with specificity.

Suzanne:
Specificity,

Joe:
Yes. But I have two, I have two answers.

Suzanne:
That’s helpful. I think, yeah. I think that’s helpful for people, you know you know, something like, it’s gonna be okay versus, well, here are three things I think that might help it be okay.

Joe:
Yes. Right. That is, it. Yes. #idontdofluff. Yes. <laugh>. But I have one more answer to this question than I thought I would share, because I asked my kids, hey, if your dad had a catchphrase, what would it be? And then we laughed through, turn off the light and flush the toilet and all the other dad things that get thrown out in the house. But my kids all landed on one. That is something that I say to them all the time, and that is, “don’t make a little thing a big thing.”

Suzanne:
Okay.

Joe:
Where we kind of talk about, you know, if we, if we find that something’s really bothering us, we’re getting upset, we’re getting all worked up, we kind of go, okay, time out. Is this a big thing or is this a little thing? Are we making a little thing a big thing? And it doesn’t work in every situation, but it’s served us well in, in the whole parenting.

Suzanne:
Oh. I think that’s a, it’s a good parenting phrase. We should all have in our back pockets.

Joe:
Love it! It feels like it, it came out of a dad book somewhere. I wish I could, I could credit it, but it’s always been in here and I’ve just used it.

Suzanne:
<Laugh>. Well, good. Keep on using it, they’ll benefit from it.

Joe:
And that’s the Camaraderie Question of the Week.

Joe:
All right, Suzanne, you’ve been with us for a couple of weeks now, and at the top of every show we introduce you as executive coach and HR advisor, Suzanne Malausky. And so, I want to invite you just to take a moment to briefly describe what are the kinds of situations that senior leaders might be facing that you are the perfect executive coach to help with?

Suzanne:
Oh, thank you, Joe. I appreciate that. I appreciate you asking the question. And I, I think the best way to describe it would be leaders in transition. So, we name, we know change is coming at us in so many different ways, whether it’s an organization, the market, the products, but when a person needs to lead through that transition or get ready for a transition, that’s where I really come in and help them. And that could be something like someone preparing to get to the next level. . So, in succession planning, we’ve identified our high potentials and there’s Joe Joe’s gonna be our next COO, how do we prepare him? So, I would help by doing an assessment with Joe and putting through my Paces program, which is a five-step program, go through all the steps to make sure you’re prepared, and you get the opportunity to know yourself, apply new concepts, sets goals, and be supported in the process.

Suzanne:
So that’s for that career transition. Could be someone who I just help and still helping a gentleman who moved here from Central America. Oh, so whoa. Right. He jumped in, thought he knew what he was doing, and then yeah. Hit, hit some walls, hit some, just some barriers that he had no idea. So, we help him figure out what he needs to do, be a better leader in a new country. Also, people who are taking on a new role. I always call that you know, you’re leaving your team to become their leader. So, we’re going from one of us to one of them.

Joe:
Yes.

Suzanne:
So, what’s that transition mean? And how as a leader can you truly focus in on what you do, how you react, how you communicate, all the interpersonal things that make leaders that are good extra special. Right. Yeah. So that’s where I come to play.

Joe:
So, let’s, let me ask you about your style and your practice. Yes. Right? Because we’ve talked about coaching a lot on this show over the years, and there’s this sort of continuum around what coaching is. There’s a coaching purist who says, the only thing that coach ever should ever do is ask a question. And then there’s coaches on the other end who do no coaching whatsoever, but they call coaching. And what they really do is tell people what to do. Like they say, oh, no, no, no, no. Here’s what you should do. Do this. Come back and tell me how it went. Right. <laugh>, there’s a big continuum in the middle. Where do you fall, Suzanne? If I’m, if I hire you to be my coach, what’s that experience gonna be like?

Suzanne:
Absolutely. well, we talked about strengths and one of my strengths from strengths finders is called individualization. Hmm. So that’s what I bring to the table. I’ve, I’ve got to figure out what’s gonna be best for the person that I’m coaching. I can tell you it’s not on either end. Yeah. Of those extremes that you explained, it’s in the middle. Sometimes people can just be set up because they’re spending time with me and I ask questions, and we, we have discussions. They go and they pull, and they figure things out. Sometimes people need a little bit more direction, or I might say, have you tried this? Or this is a book that I like, or What if you picked from these three things and applied them and came back? So, everyone, you know, definitely it’s in the middle somewhere. But I work on understanding who there are, their personalities, their strengths, how they communicate, what’s gonna work for them.

Suzanne:
And we, you know, we’ve had some good successes, some breakthroughs, people who have tried something and they come back, and they quote me and I’m like, dang, I said that. Okay. <laugh>, you know, they take it very literally. They go and try it. The others that are more theoretical and more intuitive about how they, they want to learn and develop. So, I really meet people where they are, provide ’em the right amount of support and challenge. Yeah. Right. To help them grow. Cause you have to, you have to move a little bit somehow either, you know, and sometimes that’s a little uncomfortable, but I do it in a safe environment. I also make sure that I get sponsors around them. Hmm. because I’m…

Joe:
With sponsors. It’s a great concept. Yeah.

Suzanne:
You need, you need sponsorship. So, yeah. You know, Joe, if you go try something that you discovered through a coaching session, you come back and try it out and your boss is like, what the heck was that all about? Yeah. Or that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever saw, or whatever you hope that wouldn’t happen. Right. But how do you get that sponsorship to say, to support Joe in trying out that new thing or leading a meeting in a different way, or having a, a difficult conversation when it might will feel a little bit awkward, but someone’s there like, you got this, you can do this. You can build that new skill. And I, I’m here with you. Yes.

Joe:
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I, I’m so grateful that there are people like you in the world who are doing this. And I’m so grateful to the folks who have chosen to work with you for having the courage and the vulnerability to ask for help. Or maybe in some cases, they were assigned you as a coach, their organization say, we want to invest in you, Suzanne, you, we wanna we wanna support your development. And so, we’re gonna connect you with Suzanne. So, in either case, it’s a worthwhile endeavor and it’s time well spent, no doubt. So, if folks wanted to get in touch with you to learn more about how those appointments unfold, what the costs might be, what’s the best way for them to do that?

Suzanne:
The best way we do is to check out my website, which is weinspiretalentsolutions.com. 

Joe:
weinspiretalentsolutions.com

Suzanne:
Yes. So, contact information, overview of my services, all the things.

Joe:
And there’s a little form right there that they can fill out if they wanna get in touch with you and have you get back with them.

Suzanne:
Yes. Keep in touch with me and reach out. We’ll respond right away. Absolutely love to hear from anybody. Thank you, Joe.

Joe:
My absolute pleasure. And if you are a leader in an organization who needs some support for, for the work you’re doing, or there are other leaders in your organization it, it costs you nothing to have a conversation with Suzanne about whether she’s the right fit for that. And so, I would encourage you to do that and check that out. You’ve heard her smarts on the show now for a couple of weeks. And so certainly that’s something I hope you will consider.

Joe:
And with that, we come to the third and final segment this week, which is The Power of Thank You Notes. So, Suzanne, I sent you an article that was written on the Atlantic which was called the Surprisingly Profound Power of Thank You Notes. And what’s funny is that I got this article from my wife, and I think she sent it to me because she knows that I tend to poo poo thank you notes a little bit because I have always experienced them as kind of transactional.

Joe:
Right. there are these kind of societal expectations around when we send thank you notes. Like you have to send a thank you note after you finish a job interview and you have to send a thank you note after, you know, you get married, and somebody gives you a gift or a baby shower and somebody gives you a gift. And so, because yes, I’m an idealistic optimist, but I’m also a Gen Xer, and we were, you know, raised to be very cynical. I tend to have a hard time separating the obligation from the sentiment even though somebody took the time to do it. And so, for that reason, I don’t write a lot of thank you notes. I, I try to express my thinking and my caring for people in different ways. I have different love languages as they were… I will, I will send text messages, I will pick up the phone and call people.

 Joe:
But I don’t send a lot of thank you notes. And my wife sent me this article, I am fairly certain to turn me around and it worked because this article really just goes right at what I just described. It said, yeah, we’re told to write thank you notes to specific junctures, and those notes can be lovely, but they don’t run the risk of being transactional. And, and so if we’re sending them because we’re expected to, we’re, and it’s kind of a waste of time. So, when can you find opportunities to send notes that aren’t prompted by those sort of standard routine things? And it really got me thinking about this. And so, I sent you this article, I would love to hear where, where do you stand as it comes to? Are you a thank you note writer?

Suzanne:
Oh, I, I am out of you know, guilt and obligation

Joe:
<Laugh>

Suzanne:
And, and in and in my upbringing why it was the female’s job. I don’t know. Right. To write <laugh>. The what? The ones after the weddings and Right. And I used to write them after dinner parties, but that was just going way too far. Stop that. Okay. but I did, it was In Search of Excellence, the book.

Suzanne:
He talks about writing thank you notes and the power of it. So, I don’t do it as enough as I should, as much as I should. I do write them in emails and texts. I’m always, you know, when I feel moved and I feel grateful for something, I would say I do that I even, but as far as a process I did this two years ago and have it done, done it since, but it was more around Thanksgiving time. Yeah. You know, how do you get someone’s attention and do something before Christmas and all the rush, cuz everyone’s gonna send a Christmas card. Yeah. So, what if I sent, and I did, I did per, I didn’t have that many clients then. So, it didn’t take that long to really spin out, <laugh> something very specific. And here’s 10 of them, shoot, I’ve got that done. Right. <laugh>.

Joe:
Personalized notes to every one of my clients. Yeah.

Suzanne:
<Laugh> beat that. Right. And I, I, so what I got out of the, the article too was just that it’s a nice habit to have. Yeah. And I love because it gives back, it feels like you, you also get something back out of the experience Yes. If you’ve sent it and know that you’ve delighted somebody or surprise them. Yes. I like doing that. I’d like to delight and surprise people. And I know if I get a handwritten note in my mailbox, I’m like, Ooh. Yeah. Right. Someone took the time. It does show that someone in reinvested in their relationship with you. Yes. So, I’m, I’m a believer I am not as good at it as I, I hope to believe. But I do believe as far as social graces, I fall within the realm of acceptableness. I think my mom and grandmother would be, would be okay with the fact that I, you know, send little notes like you do. I hope I express my gratitude. Indeed. And, you know, returning favors. Yes. All those types of things. Reciprocity I think is important. So, I think, I think I’m there.

Joe:
You’re better at it than I am. I can already tell. And I know that <laugh> I am, and maybe it’s my introversion and my I tend to be so no fluff, <laugh>, no fluff. That’s right. And I tend to be very task driven. Like I come into work and it’s like, all right, how do I fit in 60 things that need to get done in the time for 40, that’s the day. Let’s knock all these things out. And then these kinds of things which are more relationship-oriented, they just tend to get pushed down the list for me. Even, even though like at, at an emotional level and at an intellectual level, I can, I can look at that on the to-do list and say, oh, yes, I should absolutely do that. I need to, I need to make time to continue nurturing the relationships of the, with the people around me.

Joe:
And so, as I read this article it sort of reminded me that I’m probably do push it down the priority list because it feels transactional to me. And so, I started thinking, well, what if it wasn’t? Like, what if it wasn’t transactional? What if it wasn’t initiation? What if I didn’t wait for something to happen that I would then send a thank you note for what if I sent hello notes? Or what if I sent congratulations notes? If I see somebody out in the world who did something really cool or noteworthy or interesting. And I sent them a note that just said, hey, I saw that you did this and that’s amazing and I was thinking about you, and I wanted you to know that you were on my heart and, and I just wanted to say hello and congratulate you or just say hello for no reason.

Joe:
Right. And so, kind of all at once, I got this idea that I should set aside one hour a month in 2023 to do this. If I, I set aside an hour, I think I can crank out five to 10 notes. And so, I’m calling this the Notes project. I haven’t told anybody about this yet. I am announcing it as an accountability mechanism here on the show. Right. And so, we’re in late January. I’ve got about a week left to do my January notes. And the other thing that this will force me to do, which I’m terrible about doing, Suzanne, is getting people’s addresses, right? I have like nobody’s address. And I don’t know if that’s just a function of the world we live in now. I’ve got everybody’s cell phone number, but an email address, but nobody’s mailing address. And I thought, you know, if I’m gonna write five to 10 notes a month, it forces me to nurture those relationships and it also forces me to just capture that information, which is another way of being able to nurture those relationships.

Suzanne:
Right. And you can send them a holiday card. You already have their address next year. There it is!

Joe:
Yeah.

Suzanne:
Well, I like, and you’ve talked about this before, just the notion of connectivity. You know, it’s, it’s a way to stay connected to people. And I I’m probably not gonna put time on my calendar. I’m going to make it more of an when I’m inspired. Yeah. And see for me, Joe, it’s something I would do when I’m trying to avoid other things, <laugh>. So, while it might go low on your list, it probably rises to the top Gotcha. Over other things that I avoid. But I was thinking for me, sending a note hello note, or a thank you note when someone has inspired me. So, it’s not because they did something right. But you inspire I just want you to know you inspired this or I, this I idea came from you. There’s actually an article I’m working on, Joe, that you’ve inspired. And I’m not telling you that till I get it done, but I can ooh, send you a note and say, thanks man. Cool.

Joe:
Wow. See, that’s lovely. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well what was the name of that book again that you mentioned that had another angle to this?

Suzanne:
In Search of Excellence.

Joe:
Okay. All right. So, we will link this article from The Atlantic and we will link to that book on the transcript for this episode. So, if you’re looking for those links, just go to Boss Better Now, podcast.com tee up episode 93, and then scroll down into the transcript and you will see those links there. And at some point, Suzanne, maybe like halfway through the year, maybe we get to August or something like August isn’t halfway through the year, Joe. June, July is halfway through the year, but we sometimes go on a little, will

Suzanne:
We can push it off to August… If you want to…

Joe:
Yeah…But maybe August or September you can like remember to ask me, you know, hey, are you still doing the notes project? Did you keep your promise, Joe, that you made on that’s right…. our early 2023 episode? And I’ll report back. Absolutely. all right, friends,

Suzanne:
I wrote it down.

Joe:
Well, that is our show for this week. If you like what you hear every week on our show, then we invite you to subscribe to Boss Better Now just click that little subscribe button on whatever platform you are listening on, and you will be sure to get that little red notification number that says, hey, a new episode is now available. And that way you never miss a thing. I hope you; you got some value out of what we did today, and I thank you for being with us. Take care and we’ll see you next time.

Suzanne:
This show is sponsored by Joe Mull and Associates. Remember, commitment comes from better bosses, visit joemull.com today.